"The Monster"

One thing that I have never taken advantage of in my almost 4 years of being an RN is the fragile line between "just doing my job" and actually holding delicate lives in my hands. It is easy to get caught up in the day-to-day routine of nursing and the seriousness falls to the wayside. Until you hear stories like this. Can you fathom having a family member fall ill and hospitalized, and just because one nurse finds that your loved one would be better off leaving this earth than staying in it fighting, decides to take action and see that their perceived suffering ends? It happened to nearly 40 families throughout 16 years. Charles Cullen was investigated, let go, and rehired multiple times before finally getting caught for his crimes.

Having said that, when I graduated nursing school in Kansas, I was warned about the "different laws" that made euthanasia legal in Oregon, and that I needed to decide what exactly my ethical beliefs were before working as an RN in Oregon. I didn't take that decision lightly. (Now is where I sound hypocritical). I can say that I honestly believe that if someone is of sound mind/body/soul, they should be able to decide when they've had enough suffering, and to ask for help if they are physically unable to end their own agony. I have never done this, nor have I ever been asked (except by my step mom, Jo, who made me swear I wouldn't let her suffer if she was dying a painful death). However, if I was asked and knew the patient/family/diagnosis/prognosis very well, I think I would agree to help. What makes me different from Mr. Cullen is that I would *never* take those judgements upon myself, without discussion with anyone, and play "God". Some might say that patient-assisted suicide, period, is "playing God" and I'd be lying if I said I don't see where some might view that opinion. It's just I looked at myself and my family, and I can honestly say that it would kill me inside to have to watch my father, sister, mother be in absolute misery living out their final minutes/hours/days of life. Many people hang on, gasping and choking for breath, unable to talk but moan in chronic pain, starving because they aren't able to eat. If death is inevitable, I would rather make someone's final moments peaceful, painless, comfortable, serene, and beautiful. Perhaps that is one of my privileges of living in the state of Oregon.

And to you, Mr. Cullen, where you took it upon yourself, alone, to play God to people who trusted their lives and health to and in turn received the ultimate betrayal, I hope that you get to experience the type of death you ultimately deserve.