Onward Ho ...

I’m emotionally stuck between being extremely happy and proud of my dad and Jo, to selfishly feeling deprived of something that most people find as their main source of pride, comfort, and “home”.

About 5 years ago, my dad and stepmother sold our childhood home and bought a 5th wheel. It had always been a dream of my fathers’ to cut his roots to anything that might be holding him back and travel all over the United States, being somewhat semi-retired. They achieved their goal and have seen most of the United States, either traveling through or working for a moment in time there. They manage RV parks/resorts for a year or two at a time and then move on. My happiest times were when they worked in Lincoln City, only a 3hr drive from where we live.

But that job, too, never lasted and they were off back across the US – thousands of miles away. It was always bitter sweet to see them drive away knowing it would likely be a year before seeing them again. You see, my parents divorced when I was 17 and I literally lost half my whole family with the divorce. It was messy, to say the least. All I basically have now is my dad and my sister, who by the grace of God lives only 2hrs from me in Portland.

For the last year or so, my dad and Jo have been working in California. Although it’s a whole state away, it was still only a 7hr drive from us and the trip could be made if there was a long 3-day weekend. Throughout the year we’ve made a couple of trips down to see them, and them coming multiple times up to Oregon to see us. We’ve had some great times within the last year – seeing San Fransisco together, visiting Alcatraz, Griffin’s birth and illness, Frisbee tosses to Hombre, and extensive talks while on the boat sailing on the Delta.

With Maysen now 3, his recollection of who people are and experiences he’s had with them are really sticking in his mind. He repeats certain phrases my dad has said, relates boats to “Prapa has a boat”, cooking with grandma Jo, the birds “Pacho and Chacho”, riding the “tractor” which is nothing more than a golf cart, and other fun times they’ve shared.

Dad called and told me last week that they have accepted another job – in Kentucky. Normally I would be congratulating them with the same bitter sweetness I have in the past – but this one was different. I have found as my kids get older, I realize the greater importance of family. And I know we’re all biased when it comes to our family, but I truly believe that my father is one of the greatest people on this earth. I feel fortunate that Maysen has such a strong bond to that man. I am saddened with the realization that Griffin might not be as fortunate. I am lucky that Jo is a great grandmother to my kids and that she has her own unique bond with not only us, but my kids.

The harsh reality of seeing them more than a few days a year is a hard one to take. My dad is no spring chicken and I worry about him falling ill and me not being there. I worry that as the days, weeks, years pass that the memories of Prapa and Grandma will become hazy in Maysen's little head.. I worry that the first time Griffin is able to know who Dad and Jo are, he’ll cower behind my leg – scared of these people that love him so much.

So I sit here feeling guilty that I am thinking only of me and my kids happiness. I am thrilled that they are able to continue to live their dream. But one thing I realize is that the older we all get, the more important being close to my family is to me. Not saying that family is not important to my dad and Jo, I just hope that some day being close to us is more important than seeing the country.