absolutely ridiculous

Yep. 1:09am ladies and gents! I thought first trimester you were so tired you couldn't think straight. Well ... my problem is even more grand than that!!! Not only am I nauseated ALL frigging day long, but I'm exhausted. The fun part? Come night time I cannot control my mind enough to fall asleep: "I feel like my face is irritated by my pillow - I'm hot - I'm cold - Nate won't stop snoring - now the dog's snoring - my back itches - did I hear something in the backyard? - did I shut the garage door? Have I pooped in the last 2 days?" I know the last one was a bit graphic and most don't care but you get the picture here! (and yes, with some more 20min thought I HAVE indeed pooped). Then here we sit, 1am, yep and still nauseated, thinking "Hmm, my son will be up in another 6hrs" Well, actually that isn't all that true - I'm convinced he's had sympathetic insomnia as he hasn't been going to sleep-sleep until about midnight and that usually involves at least one rendition of me rubbing his back, re-reading a book, and eventually a short trip to Mommy's bed. Tonight was a rare night of sleeping at 10pm, followed by screaming 30min later and refusal to lay down until about 45min ago, which had to be in mom's bed where he kicked turned, tossed, sighed. Back to bed he went and I shut the door. I think he got up and turned his light back on. Oh well ... maybe we'll both get to sleep in tomorrow then. Regardless, welcome to my world for the last 2 weeks!!!! Oh, and we mustn't forget to throw in the days that I have to go to work, which luckily have only been few and far between. But then I have the added bonus of getting 5, count 'em FIVE, hours of sleep, work 12hrs, and come home to .... you guessed it! NO SLEEP AGAIN! About 15min ago I sat on the toilet and bawled. So sick and tired of feeling sick and tired!!

My nightly routine: Phenergan 25mg and Ambien 10mg (yes, it is safe per my OB doc) and hope for the best. Most people will sleep 3 days with a combo like that. Not me! I'll finally fall asleep 4hrs later ... for a whopping 2hrs because then I get up, pee, toss, turn, pee, "Should I take a shower? Have I paid the water bill this month? I think I have but what if I haven't, what if the bill got lost or Maysen threw it away and I haven't paid it and they shut my water off. Then what, Leslie!?!?". Blah.

I promise not to be come a raging pregnant psycho on here ... but thanks for the temporary rant. I think it saves my poor husband who has been catching the brunt of my psycho pregnancy hormones which I feel badly about but yet can't control. Tonight's big one? "Why don't you talk to me anymore". I got the wide-as-silver-dollar-eyes look and the "What the hell are you talking about now??" Which of course pissed me off, and I locked him out of the bathroom. The sad thing, is I know how whacked out it sounds coming from my mouth - I know this. Yet I have no control over that, then the crying. My usual non-emotional-even-keeled type of personality is sure shot at this point. I'm hoping this crap is over before Nate and my getaway to Alaska for a week. I do not want to be feeling like this then. Then REALLY poor Nate. Bwaaahahahaa!