Fight or Flight?

I totally stole that title from a post my sister did a bit ago. But it was too ideal for what I have to say. It's amazing how for periods I won't have anything to talk about. Then out of nowhere BAM! I have to keep a list of things to catch people up on. So far:

1. Pics of BMW
2. Report/Pics of my fun-filled weekend with Amanda and Julie.

Why this takes precedence, I don't know. Perhaps it was because of the emotional strangle it had and has on me. Last night while driving home I came upon a horrendous scene. At first I wasn't sure what was going on, as a few people in front of me turned on their hazard lights and stopped. I didn't see an accident ... nor were there any police cars or ambulances in sight. I did see people pulled over on cell phones and one guy ran up from behind my car in a hurry. I couldn't understand what the major concern was.

Then I saw it. "..A deer in the road? Oh that's too bad, poor dear. No wait. Too big to a deer. A dog, perhaps? No, wait ..." It was a man; a man laying face down, legs grotesquely arranged. By now some citizen had started directing traffic around the body. I sat there, still. Looking at this man. No one was touching him. No one was looking at him. No one was helping him. Legally, as an RN I'm bound to help in this sort of situation. I had no one with me in the car, there was no medical attention nearby. But I froze. It was my turn to go, and I just .... went. It was evident that there was no one who had a clue what to do, medically. Was everyone afraid? Maybe. But what happened to me?

I loved my ER rotation during nursing school. But this was different. I'm a very confident nurse, so it wasn't the fear of not knowing what to do that held me back. But what was it? Perhaps the idea of knowing that there was probably nothing I could have done to save him? If that was my brother, father, husband, cousin I'd want ANYONE to try to help them. Yet no one, including me, was. I have never been put in that sort of situation before and maybe there was a reason I was put there. So I know how to respond next time it should arise. I always say (those who know me are rolling their eyes) "Every situation/experience has something you can learn from it. If you chose to not learn anything, then it's just a waste of time."

I had assumed this poor gentleman met his fate while changing a tire too close to the road, as there was a vehicle nearby and what looked like a tool box near him. Turns out he was 23, drunk, and had a fight with his mom. So he decided to make someone else take his life from him. That person was a young, terrified 24yr old in an SUV that will forever have to live with the memory of killing a person. Compassion sometimes is foreshadowed with reality.