12:22am

The voice over the phone was my dad. He sounded quiet, concerned, worried. Not my dad. Then he softly says, "Grandma died tonight."

I broke down hard. I did, because deep down in places I didn't know existed, I already knew but I just didn't know that I knew until right then. I knew because out of the blue at 10:00pm my pregnancy hormones flew out of control for no reason. I started crying with this impending-doom feeling coming over me. I focused it inward toward my immediate family and felt as though something bad was going to happen to Maysen - or Nate. But the truth was, was that Grandma was struggling and was passing.

Feeling that I needed some alone time from confused Nate, I walked into the bathroom and prayed. I asked the Lord to please give my sons a guardian angel to watch over them the rest of their days - to protect them from any harm or wrong doing. I said, "I don't know if that is you, Grandpa, or who, but Lord please give them someone." My Grandpa died 5 years ago in July.

30 minutes later I walked outside in the pouring rain to our dark backyard - feeling sorry for Maysen's yard toys getting so wet. I went out, picked up a set, walked to the deck and set them down. When I turned around to enter the wet grass again I noticed a small white mist/haze that wasn't there before and tried to recreate it with blowing my breath into the air. That did nothing. And I honestly didn't think much of it. The haze was lingering right outside Maysen's bedroom.

I now know what all this meant: I felt it when she was passing ... I can feel her here ... she's his guardian angel ...

It's 2am. I'm exhausted. I am hoping to gain medical clearance to join my family in Iowa next week to be with her body as she's laid to rest. I will write more about this later. I'm too tired to think more.

I love you Grandma Harbaugh (Nana to Maysen). I feel ever-so-grateful to have known you the years I have. I look back with nothing but the fondest of memories of you. What I am thankful for the most is that Maysen got to meet his Nana last year for the first time. I would say "last time" but I now know and understand you will be with him all of his days .... his Guardian Angel Nana.